Quote:
Originally Posted by Burnt_Out
Yeah... well, I'm sure I'm guilty of being a bit of "other"... but that's okay.  I'm not looking for super high rates of return here, and certainly not wanting to date a bunch of women I'm not compatible with and waste both of our respective times. I want to date the kind of girls that date the kind of guys who are like me... the "other" type girls... and honestly, while I'm open to giving many a chance, and i do, I tend to focus on those types first to contact/like, and work my way out from there. |
I personally think that "other" is good - I like individuality. Our society claims to as well, but it's a bit of a lie, unfortunately! And people are so fussy with the online dating. It's so easy for them to scroll down the list, click quickly on a face, see some word they don't like, and click just as quickly away. I do understand, and I think the same way. But sometimes it seems like offering too much on the profile can effectively scare a lot of people off before they've even given you a real chance. It does make you feel like a leper, doesn't it?! A lot of these people truly do seem to expect "perfection", and on a very shallow level at that. You have to be a certain height, have a certain salary, have a certain level of education, have a certain disposition, etc. It's quite daunting and disheartening!
You may also find that the people who will give you a chance and truly like you might be those you'd ordinarily be inclined to shy away from. Try to keep an open mind just in case someone good comes along but isn't quite what you'd expected or specified. (Which somewhat relates to what you say further down.) I have an example, actually. I met a guy a few months ago on one of these sites. He spoke of having terrible luck on the dating sites, hardly ever getting any interest, etc. I went on a few dates with him and he seemed very excited about meeting me and thought I was a great match. We both loved games, intellectual conversations, etc. But he had dated someone who had "mental health issues" in the past, so when I mentioned that I also dealt with certain things, he seemed very wary and taken aback. From that point on, he began raising the bar. Suddenly not liking the same games (which he knew on the first date) became a possible deal-breaker. Then he insisted that he had to spend a whole weekend around me as soon as possible to see how "normal" I could be.
(Didn't happen, needless to say.) There were other things. Anyway, you get my point. I let him go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Burnt_Out
It's not so much about mass appeal. For instance, while looking for advice on a certain forum, I got relentlessly BEAT DOWN for having a beard, with a bunch of posters insisting it was the source of all my online dating woes.  Trigger activated. I might as well have been Osama bin Laden. I was hideous, unlovable garbage. Just a page-after-page onslaught of criticism, despite my trying to make it clear that I didn't even have a beard a bit over a year ago and still had a struggle getting replies. The Internet is really bad at listening. |
Yes, very bad at listening! It is totally not about having a beard. It was just something for them to fixate on as "the problem". Someone suitable will not decide not to date you just because you have a beard, even if they're not fond of beards. But then, it's sadly true that a lot of people in the online dating scene do precisely that - reject people based on superficial and stupid things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Burnt_Out
I thought about it again last week while enjoying a meal at Pita Jungle here in Scottsdale. I looked around and saw no less than three couples where the guy had a beard smiling and enjoying their respective evenings' together. Those "other" guys obviously weren't the worst people to ever exist because of their facial hair (or tattoos, etc.), they had pretty girlfriends, and seemingly happy days together. Those are the women that I want to connect to. I get that not everyone is going to like me. That's fine. That's not the point... but after about six years of this s**t in two different major metropolitan areas, it is getting me down for sure... whatever "it" is...
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I get you. I do the same thing. Trying to figure out where I've gone wrong and what those other people have that I'm lacking. It's enough to drive you crazy!
EDIT: I just looked at your picture, and you're quite attractive. Honestly, even the shallowest person who was only interested in what you looked like would have to be an idiot to pass you over because of the beard! LOL.