Life is such a struggle with so very very few moments in between that I feel somewhat content. I need to make something of myself but it's so easy to just sit here and give up. I don't care too much that I'm not someone with a fantastic job or success, but I do wish there was something that I was doing that was meaningful and helpful to others. I overdid using my benzo's yesterday and now I feel numb, it definitely doesn't help depression. I don't want to rely on pills to sleep but after so many years I don't think I'll ever be rid of them. Well typing here does always help a little.