I've spent most of the day ruminating about my session this morning. I've been trying to figure out what it is about my therapy that makes me feel so terrible after each session, and during them too. I think I've come to the conclusion that my T makes things sound too easy, which might be part of the problem I think we have about the job I have. I know that the things she suggests I try doing to reduce my depression make sense, and are pretty commonly recommended. I get the purpose for doing them, and how they are supposed to help. And my T knows that I know these things. But she seems to simplify them, like I should be able to pick up these skills the first or second time I try them. And when they don't work, she suggests some other skills for a few weeks before going back to the things I've already tried. And it's making me want to beat myself up (not literally) every time I talk to her, because I feel like I should be able to make it as easy as it sounds. But it isn't easy, and she doesn't get it, and it makes me want to scream.

I almost made it through the day without feeling like a complete failure. But this afternoon I found out that I did some paperwork wrong that affects our revenue. It was my first time filling out that particular part of the paperwork, but until my supervisor left I sat here in fear that I was going to be punished somehow for my mistake. I still feel like it's going to happen.

Then, to top my day off, I was going to take my shoes off for the last few hours of work, because I'm closed in my office alone doing paperwork. I bought these sandals 2 weeks ago and have had a hard time adjusting to them, because they rub on the backs of my heels. The first week I wore them they didn't even break the skin by rubbing, but over this last weekend I noticed thick scabs over the spots that had been rubbed. I decided to take a chance on them today, put bandaids on before work, but they fell off within about an hour of leaving the house. Then when I was going to take them off, I found one of the scabs had rubbed off sometime during the day and the whole back of my heel was covered in blood. Even got some on the hem of my pants. Guess I should've listened to myself last night and worn regular shoes until they healed completely.