how do you deal with shame?
how do you not blame yourself?

i just tell myself to shhh....
but ignoring things and blocking things doesnt solve things..
fighting, arguing... harming, drugging... yelling, screaming, cursing, denying, pleading...

i dont like fighting...
really dont like fighting with myself

but im not good with confrontations...
and my mind keeps confronting me, sometimes i react badly...

some time, some point...
one has to say enough pain, enough suffering...
i have to stop punishing myself for things that i didnt do...
its not my fault... why cant i listen?

i dont know... im sorry..
i dont know what im doing
its hard to even know where you are... sometimes..

i feel so alone.. cant help but feeling these things...
i dunno where i am, in this time, but i dont want to be here..