Hello everyone, yeah, I wasn't attempting to give advice either. Just making observations and expressing how things are for me but of course things are different for others and we all have our own intuition and get to choose what is best for ourselves. Every situation is different and the right choice for one, would be the wrong choice for another. So I strongly believe everyone needs to feel it out for themselves.

Ididitmyway - I agree, it is unnatural to do but I'd still like to believe that some people are capable of that kind of impartial response to ones feelings. Maybe it's wishful thinking because I really want my T to explore my feelings for him with me... like deeply. By "Crushing" - I meant that sometimes a therapist will stifle the patients feelings in such a way that the patient is no longer able to explore them. I.e. a therapist who immediately tells the client that those feelings aren't real or aren't acceptable or anything else like that because the patient will then immediately attempt to start shutting those feelings down, without having first explored what the feelings could mean.

For example, my falling in love with my therapist has taught me that I have been settling for too little in my own personal and romantic life. If he had immediately condemned me for having those feelings, when I confessed them, he may well have prevented me from figuring that part out. I kept mine a secret for a long time but never really learned much from it until after I told my therapist about it. However there are also many schools of thought that believe that both the therapist and patient can (if they are comfortable) explore transference and counter-transference feelings openly and honestly in session. I.e. those schools of though also suggest that if the therapist is having counter-transference feelings, that they should be able to, within the construct of the therapeutic relationship and of course with the good of the patient in mind, share those feelings as well. I'm currently reading a book on that very topic about an incredibly open therapist who believed it was better to tell her clients how she really felt, rather than to hide behind a mask of "Blank screen" and pretend she felt nothing. Her thought on the matter was that it would be more confusing to the client, who can tell and sense things, if she chose to just lie about her feelings and pretend they weren't there. She in effect adopted and adapted a way of using her counter-transference as somewhat of a barometer and gauge in the therapeutic relationship, to assess various things and learn more about the client. Because feelings are a two way street... the therapist has to be open enough to look honestly at themselves and see whether or not they were the one that started the transfer/counter-transference matrix within the therapeutic relationship.

It's a complex book with a multitude of examples but I have to say, while risky, I think her approach in skilled hands would have been a very beneficial approach to take with me. I mean... would it kill him (My T) to tell me something about how he feels about me??? You cannot keep highlighting every single thing we have in common and not have a reason for doing so, especially when it appears that we have literally everything in common and you know the girl is in love with you and just keep driving the stake deeper. Not that I think he is doing any of this from a torturous perspective, I honestly believe he is just a great guy, with great intentions and that he may be confused about things himself but perhaps it's just wishful thinking that he likes me too? After all, we all see what we want to see and we all walk in our own reality and no one person's reality is the whole truth or how things really are... it's actually a combination of the perceived reality of every one involved and that is the only truth out there.

I really appreciated your input on things and I think your ideas sound pretty great. I most definitely wasn't saying that therapy shouldn't be allowed for anyone, I said if I didn't need it, I would be against it. Emphasis on the word "I" - and when I said I would be against it, I meant for myself, not for anyone else. We're all entitled to use whatever resources we need to help ourselves and to heal ourselves. I would never in a million years suggest that therapy should be outlawed or anything like that, I believe it's very useful in countless ways for countless people. I just wanted to clear that up in case somehow it came across that I implied that therapy should be banned. I sincerely apologize if that was how it came across.

BudFox - Yeah, seduction is a word that really came to mind when I thought of the way my therapist interacted with me as well. It really did strike me as so seductive and suggestive... but I guess I was wrong... or so he implied.... he didn't tell me outright that he didn't like me... but he took the more diplomatic approach of telling me that he makes a pact with himself not to see female patients that way... I am really glad his let down was fairly gentle. When I use the word sadistic to describe my therapy, I only mean it because he still does things that makes me think he likes me and therefore it feels a bit like torture. All unintentional, I am sure.

Thesnowqueen - That's a really interesting thing you mention about that book you read, that sounds like a cool book. If I were to add my own spin to it, I would also add that in my opinion, love is also the most effective way to take someone's pain away. Just speaking from my personal experience because I know in my case, if I had not mistakenly thought he loved me, I would not have healed to the degree that I have.