You two need counselling. Your relationship is a mess. And some of the things you've asked her to say / do aren't really in the norm of what turns most people on.

If you two are genuine about making things work then enough already of this nonsense of asking her to yell out the guys name while she has sex with you. Dude ... That's creepy!

I'd also suggest you quit asking her the intimate details about the affair. You got the picture. She had fun.

If you want to carry on then seek help to put this behind you.

Ps: I'm not usually this grumpy but your post was pretty intimate, graphic with no holds bar so I thought you wouldn't mind too much if I call a spade a spade.

Best wishes to you both moving forward.