Quote:
Originally Posted by PsychNitrous
I'm addicted to opiates, mentally anyway. Ever since the first time I used one (cough syrup with codeine when I was sick), I just love them. I've been so careful around them, though. My boyfriend also watches me so carefully whenever I have any kind of opiate available, he always worried about me getting addicted when I was prescribed different meds for pain. Now I don't have any active prescriptions, but he occasionally (2-3 times a month) buys some pills from a friend for pain. And, on weekends, if he gets enough he offers me one. I can never say no, but it's never enough. I hate myself for it. Especially right now, when I'm already feeling hopeless and self-destructive from my depression. I got a couple of morpines over the weekend, one each Saturday and Sunday nights. It's never enough, I want more all the time. I don't want to quit but I hate myself for using them.
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Here is an idea I learned in a college psyche class that I took. And note, I'm only offering this up as an idea since you mentioned that likely a treatment program wouldn't accept you at your current level of use.
For the next 10ish days. Write down the time you are taking the opiate and maybe a few short words as to what is going on. Mental state, triggers, etc., . Likely there will be a pattern. After the 10 days, look at that pattern, write about it. Then the next time you want a pill, force yourself to wait 15 minutes. And then 30, 45, 60. Usually at some point you will notice the feeling of needing it will become less and less as your brain realizes that you won't be taking it the moment you have the trigger.
Just a thought. Hope it helps.
#Life is a beautiful lie#