well, I admit it is easier to whine here in this forum than to those in my real life. There is a huge component of shame in it.

We were together for 16 years and in hindsite it was questionable from the beginning. I did everything to make sure the relationship was - or at least appeared to be - perfect. A great deal of that had to do with my lack of self worth - which he took advantage of - and my desperation to appear as normal. A very big part of this effort to keep the relationship looking perfect was that my mother was still alive for half of it. Short story is that she was a bully in my life and I couldn't possibly let her find out. To do so would have been to invite critism for a failed relationship she would have automatically reacted to as being my fault. Had I left at that point I very much would have understood people rushing to his side in the assumption he was the hurt party.

But....

The second half of the relationship was different - especially the increasingly poor displays of outrageous behaviour - particularly that with young women. This certainly wasn't private. Pictures of his antics abounded on Facebook. He would take dates to functions he failed to even tell me about. And finally, he had a relationship I later found out everyone but me knew about on the side.

These were not hidden - in fact he drew attention to his behavior.

So no, it is not a case of people not knowing about it - perhaps being unaware of what he took from me financially and otherwise, but the friends and my family couldn't possibly have been blind to his lack of respect.

In answer to your other post, I have though a great deal about what his version of the story must be. The fact that I have since been diagnosed as Bipolar is huge cannon fodder.

Even then, knowing your sister or friend is being cheated upon, it just doesn't make sense you would be good friends with him. Incidentally, I am not just speaking of friendships by the likes of Facebook, I am talking real life. Hell, my brother has even been on holidays with my ex and the other woman. That is intolerable and hence the rage and resenmtent.