I don't know what to even say. I just keep doing the same ****, in different versions, over and over. I imagine my family and friends watch it sadly like a soap opera. I don't think they enjoy it, but they just have to watch, because they can't do anything. I keep cycling, making bad decisions, and it's so obvious, but i don't let myself see it at the time. Then i crash, and it unravels, and i'm humiliated. I don't think this is ever going to stop. I can't stop crying. Up all night, and i had to call in sick today. I'm such a loser