hi epoxy. I am aware how seemingly small triggers can set off strong emotions in me. I wonder if this kind of trauma happened at a time when you are vulnerable and open and perhaps questioning life. It reminds me of this article on trauma causing intense emotions.
"The essential psychological effect of trauma is a shattering of innocence. Trauma creates a loss of faith that there is any safety, predictability, or meaning in the world, or any safe place in which to retreat. It involves utter disillusionment. Because traumatic events are often unable to be processed by the mind and body as other experiences are, due to their overwhelming and shocking nature, they are not integrated or digested. The trauma then takes on a life of its own and, through its continued effects, haunts the survivor and prevents normal life from continuing until the person gets help."
Understanding the Effects of Trauma: Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) | Psych Central
"Hyperarousal is when the traumatized person’s physiology is in high gear, having been assaulted by the psychological impact of what happened and not able to reset. The symptoms of hyperarousal include: difficulty sleeping and concentrating, being easily startled, irritability, anger, agitation, panic, and hypervigilance (being hyper-alert to danger)."
We all have traumas in our lives. They are like landmines waiting for us to step on them again. Even seemingly inane events can trigger intense emotions. Have you talked to a therapist about this? The death of that singer may just be the tip of the iceberg metaphorically speaking in terms of what is buried in your own mind.
"Successful treatment of PTSD allows the traumatic feelings and memories to become conscious and integrated – or digested – so that the symptoms are no longer needed and eventually go away. This process of integration allows the trauma to become a part of normal memory rather than something to be perpetually feared and avoided, interfering with normal life, and frozen in time. Recovery involves feeling empowered, reestablishing a connection to oneself, feelings, and other people, and finding meaning in life again. Recovery allows patients to heal so that they can resume living."