Ah, but looking at my to do list, left over from the last day I was off work (Wednesday - didn't get very far then either) is depressing.

I have this habit of saying what I need or want, and then once it's said I try to make myself go along with what somebody else wants regardless. Sometimes I don't do too well at that either.

Is it too late, after 17 years, to change the rules and say that all this time what I have really needed was independence? And then probably complain about not getting help with things that I can't do independently, as I have alwo been known to do. That was the other thing he said about the book (The Family Crucible). He thought it was saying families shouldn't help each other or need each other. It did say that family members can't be each others' therapists, or try to fix each other, but that's different. I think there is a balance somewhere that allows for individuation and autonomy, but also allows for caring and helping in a non-smothering way. I think that healthy people can stand on their own and still be in relationships.