I am even more confused that when we started. I wasn't bargaining on that. It feels as if we are taking a wrecking ball to that shed instead of mowing the grass like we said. When I said I felt lost today it was as if all my thoughts came crashing down in the centre of my mind. That wasn't good. You said at the end it felt as if we were just starting. We were. How are we ever going to get through this if we don't ever start until the end. I am so glad H is going tomorrow but then I will have even more time to think. I might need another journal soon. I think we need to come forward in time, maybe we tried to go back too soon? I don't know. I don't know what I am doing and I don't have any real confidence that you do either. Maybe that is a part of the problem. Control. I am happy to let go a little which is what is needed but I need to know that whoever is leading has got this. But then I don't think you like to lead, because this is my journey, so why were we talking about control? Because I brought it up, because it is me, because I became it. If I am not in control I don't exist. It was all I had left to protect myself. Vulnerability. Need to give in to it? What happens at the end of the session then when I need to go and act like a normal human being again. How can I do that? Oh my head is a mess tonight. Forget about it. Try and get through tomorrow and see you on Thursday. We need to get it back together again.