I think you might consider therapy. Someone to talk these things out with. Learn coping skills. Also, not all psych meds make into a zombie. Many are not sedating. Everyone reacts differently to medications. I don't think you should rule medication out. You're bipolar, and would probably benefit from a mood stabilizer. There are a lot of them a psychiatrist can try. Same with antipsychotics which are used for controlling mania. Taking medication doesn't make you weak. Your body is out of balance, and psych meds are designed to put you back in balance. I hope you get the help you need, and figure out whether staying in a relationship with someone who has cheated on you, and seems to emotionally abuse you is worth it. I think you are worth much more than that.

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