I do not feel OK to go tomorrow. At all. If I am honest with myself. I was really really sick over the weekend and for weeks before that in a different way. My mom says would be unwise to go tomorrow, but may be possible if I get a lot better later in the week. I tried to drive earlier in a very low traffic area a block from me and I did not like it at all. I basically idled and it felt too fast and I rode the brake. No traffic at all so was safe. There is no way I can be on a plane tomorrow. I have been to the doctor's office and to a convenience store three blocks from my house since Friday, and no where else. The only person I've really talked to in person other than doctor is my mom on Sunday. And she told me today I was very unwell that day. And I would need to be much better to go at all. And definately not working this week, maybe next.

To clarify, the car thing is not anxiety related in any way. It is a time/space vibrational frequency thing. I was on a different plain for several or more weeks, and I do think my vibration shifted, changed, and improved. But now it's adjusting back to both my body and mind being in the same place. I'm not trying to be hippie dippie. That's not me at all, but this is how I experienced it.

I am getting better I can tell. It will take some time. I had really poor insight for awhile. I am relatively accepting of that though I still have a lot of this energy/time space/non-random stuff floating in my head sometimes. That I was healed of all past and future pain during the hypomanic stuff. I think it is real though. And that I may have also been on manic side of things but that doesn't mean it is not real. The numbers thing, I can not look at them, I do not understand them at all in the same way. I have sat out in my garden almost all day again today. I have eaten better today but still much less than is normal. I will keep working on that. This is going to be kind of slow. I've not had it like this before. At the same time I feel no suffering or pain, again as I perceive I was healed of all of that. This probably doesn't make any sense but regardless is good to express. Thx.