It's a very hard place to be in. It sounds do like your in a lot of pain.

I hope therapy helps you. It helped me. It's a good thing to be able to take care of your own needs. People can get so caught up in what they have to do they don't realize the emotional toll it takes on. Can you figure out a way to out less stress on yourself? Maybe ask your husband to help with chores or something?

It can be very hard to get a loved one to understand what is going on in your head. It's scary, it hurts and you just want to fix it. That what I observe from the other side. Living with depression is another set of problems. It's hard to hear those feelings for a spouse but I think it's worse when they rush through your head all day wearing you down. Therapy may help you get control over your thoughts.

I did some CBT and realized some things I did that I can change. A lot of things like black and white thinking, over generalizing. It can paint a more grim picture.

My advice is to find someone to be able to talk to. It hurts so much and is so tiring to carry all of it on your shoulders.

I get the feeling like most people, you just want to be heard. You want someone to witness your experience without minimizing it or invalidating how you feel. Your feelings are real and valid, its up to us how we act in those feelings.

You can PM me if you want someone to talk to.