I read the Family Crucible (still have it) in school in the 80s. It was the catalyst for me to change how I related to my family of origin. It remains an extremely meaningful book to me.

I don't believe it's ever too late to make changes. I like the concept of inter-dependence. To me it means we can survive without each other, but things go more easily if we can work together.

The most significant thing I recall from the book is the family dance. If one person changes her steps, it affects the entire dance - which can be a very good thing sometimes, but can be unsettling or anxiety provoking, too.

I remember reading it the first time and it made me very uncomfortable; scared of changes that someone else (or even I) might make. So I can understand your husband's focus. It took me awhile to really see the whole picture and not view someone else's changes as a threat to myself or my relationship - or even my world.

I thought the family in the book ended up with the parents facing their own issues and working on them, which ended up making their relationship better since they were there more by choice than by obligation. Plus it freed the kids from the unproductive cycle. I thought the message was that the more whole each individual person is, the healthier, better, more fun, whatever, the entire relationship will be. Or maybe that's the way I wanted it to turn out...like I said, it's been awhile.

As for having a wasted day, I have had plenty myself and it's really aggravating. But I'd say even if you didn't get anything on your list done, you posted here, and I got to remember the book again! So thank you for posting.

Mary