Quote:
Originally Posted by TwistedHell
my first relationship lasted 6 years, I left because of abuse that had been going on 5 of those years (it was only physical for maybe the last 2). my second relationship lasted 6 years, I married him after the first year, and everything seemed good and now I found out he has been cheating on me along with some very horrible other things and I'm leaving him (this one was sudden and forced as he is actually not allowed to come to the house). and I feel like maybe I'm just not meant to find someone who is a nice decent person, maybe I'm not supposed to be happy, and yes I know I shouldn't need someone to be happy and I don't but I do need some level of love, (oh and I've never "friend zoned" anyone because I've never been single for more then a few months), maybe they were good decent people and something about me just turns them into these major assholes two completely different personality men turn out to be such jerks, only thing i see in common is me.........
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One thing I note from your post and find familiarity with in my life from my past is this. I'll try to be as clear and concise as I can about what I mean
but I tend to be wordy :P forgive me.
Ok first thing is, what trippin said about you finding the wrong men. This is part of the problem, you dont' make men become bad, you pick them before those bad things are revealed and as time and the relationship progress, it finally comes out. So it's a matter of figuring out why you pick bad men or what it is about them that has a tendency to be something that men like that have in common.
You've never been out of a relationship more than a few months you said.. this right here is what struck me. I say time and again to people in bad relationships or really seeking desperately to find someone (not saying you are) and to you now. it is true you need to find happiness and independence and no that does not nullify your need to be loved but the truth is we receive love much better and see things more clearly when we are our own person. What I see is like me, prior to my extended separation from my wife, I was forced to go it alone for 4+ years (still am alone in most ways with just my sons.. but that's a story for another post) I had not been out of relationships for very long and even when I wasn't in one I was searching.
I was very rarely just me and alone, finding myself, my own way, my independence and peace. Until I was forced to be on my own and take care of my kids, be strong, cope and deal with life as a single person, I did not know how much I would learn about myself, how much I would grow and change during that time. I know a lot of my tendencies and behaviors when it comes to women now and although I cannot say for sure I am ready even now.. I dunno if 100% ready is really reachable, but I can tell you that I am far wiser about who I choose now than I have been in the past because, now... I am choosing who I want to be with where before I couldn't imagine life alone and I needed it.
Don't get me wrong, it may not take 4 yrs of single living and I do not wish that on anyone but I think some time finding yourself would be good for figuring out how to break this pattern of bad men.
Hope this helps!