sorry about grinding this stuff... im trying to deal with things .. without causing big problems outside of myself

i have a surprise appointment tomorow, that i didnt know about..
i dont think they told me about it but i got a letter in the mail today and have to be there tomorrow to do some paper work :/
pretty sure they didnt tell me about it before though.. i think they forgot to, not that i forgot about it

i have a new fear though.. is this normal?
i am afraid that something is going to happen and im just going to spontaneously recover, or spontaneously get all better, or that suddenly all of these weird things that are happening to me go away...
that my memory fixes itself and i stop forgetting everything, that a continuity suddenly pops up, a solidarity of self...
and im not sure if i can live with the after effects if that happens... already feel like im exaggerating things... if something like that happens im really going to feel horrible, like i a huge liar... fraud/fake..
im even afraid of what will happen to me if that happens.. if all of these things that i think are what define me, suddenly vanish, what a nightmare...

i dont know if i want to get better because i dont know what 'better' is..
but im being just silly :/
i just hope that it doesnt happen for the sake of my sanity...

if someone has a factitious disorder... they realize that they are making things up right? i mean they can't just make up a bad memory and not be able to remember anything.. internally...
i know people can fake it to other people but you cant fake it to yourself can you?