I discovered I was a pretty kinky person a while back - I'm very accepting of what I like + what turns me on, but sometimes I just feel blegh about it all. I don't see myself telling anybody, as much as I'd love to experience things safely with another. I've joined several communities and always feel kind of strange after a while - almost a scared type of feeling. I want to be open and honest, but I always feel like people jump quickly to judgment and I let it bother me far too much than I should. I have a very good friend whom I met online and they help me a lot; I try to be more positive. I know my biggest thing right now is not really going out much....sometimes at the end of the day it's the last thing I want to do. I'm either exhausted or just not feeling it.
I've never been in many relationships and honestly am clueless when it comes to flirting. The few places I do venture out to (record/book stores mostly, thrift stores too), everyone is busy looking around and I am too. I assume most people are already in some type of relationship. I am patient and I certainly don't want to rush anything - sometimes it gets difficult, day-by-day misadventures. Am I worrying too much? Where do I go from here?
I feel selfish at times, even for wanting simple things like cuddling (which I love, crave and miss very much). I know I shouldn't and have no reason to. Forgive me that this is all over the place and jumbled, I am just getting my thoughts out. I'll keep it short....many thanks + love all.