Keep working with you psychiatrist to find the right med combination that helps relieve your symptoms. An antipsychotic coupled with a good mood stabilizer should help you be level and quit cycling so bad. If what you are taking now isn't working then you need to call your pdoc and get it changed, or dose increased. You're not worthless. You have an illness. It's treatable, but it can be hard sometimes to find what works. I hope you continue to improve and feel better. I hope you work with your doctor and become stable.

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