Have you actually worked through the loss in therapy? I am sorry you are struggling, I am in a similar struggle and my T acknowledged with me today that we had overlooked a very important thing because we had not discussed my relationship with my previous T, someone who, like you, had shown me 'love' and 'caring' like no other person. I was with her for such a short period of time in comparison to you and your T though and that has been hard enough. I can't imagine what you are feeling but it doesn't sound resolved to me. Hugs if you want them.