I'm not sure if this is quite the right place to post this, because my symptoms are most likely being caused by other things. But that's a choice of either depression or anxiety, and I wasn't sure what was more appropriate there! So since depersonalization/derealization fall under dissociation, I figured I'd post here.

Lately I have been feeling increasingly unreal. I'm not completely sure if it's part of the derealization, but my memory is losing it's structure, days are bleeding into each other. Like last night, before I went to sleep I was thinking back over what my bf and I had done that night, and nearly panicked because I couldn't remember. Part of me remembered parts of last night, and parts of the night before. Everything this week has either slipped out of my memory, or is like watching the memory on a movie or tv screen. Or like looking at a picture of it. Like the therapy appointment I had at the beginning of the week, when I think back to it all I can see is a still image that doesn't even really look like my therapist's office, but it's like a framed picture.

I'm not me anymore either. It's not really clear dissociation, because nothing about me has changed, other than the emotional numbing and ability to pretend that everything is great when I talk to people. But I don't feel like myself. I feel most of the time like I'm watching everything I do in a movie, but through a first-person view. Some of my memories have been from a third-person view, but in real time I know I'm looking through my eyes. I don't really even think about what I'm doing, or conciously make decisions. It's not that my behaviour is changing, but using the same analogy it's like watching a movie I've seen hundreds of times. I do something without thinking about it, but after doing whatever it is I knew I was going to do it. Nothing is out of the ordinary, but I'm not aware of making a concious decision to do anything.

I'm starting to become really freaked out by all of this. I only see my therapist every other week, so I don't know when I'll be able to talk to her about it. I spent a lot of time thinking this over last night, and started to try to talk to my bf about it, but I can't tell him. I feel like I'm going crazy, and one day I'll just slip away and be someone else.