having so many episodes lately, some panic and some paranoia. not sure which is worse. with the panic i'm exhausted anticipating them having them and then recovering. and the exhaustion tends to lead to the paranoia though sometimes that happens on its own. and worst part is no one understands how bad the panic is. my ex will try to tell me its ok im not really dying but that doesnt help. even though i almost know and almost believe im not actually dying i'm still in some way sure i am. its worse when i'm alone. i tell myself over and over i'm not dying but i'm terrified and my hearts racing and i'm sure i'm going to die. the paranoia only seems to happen when i'm alone and i try to tell myself its all in my head but i dont believe it for a second. im barely functioning lately. its frustrating and depressing and i dont want to be medicated. that seems like the obvious solution but i wind up with other problems, some physical. dont know what to do anymore.