Hello treevoice: I'm so sorry you & your husband find yourselves in this most difficult situation. I certainly agree with rainyday107's reply. However, from what you wrote, it sounds as though your hubby has already refused to consider therapy. So I presume he would be unwilling to participate in couples counseling either. Assuming this is the case, then some individual therapy for yourself may well be needed, assuming you're not already doing this. It is certainly possible that you're unconsciously doing some things that are making matters worse rather than better. Talking things through with a therapist might help you to clarify if & how this is happening.

From what you wrote, it sounds as though your husband is mad at the world & is taking it out on you & your pets. Some of his anger is probably justified. But, I know from personal experience, anger can-&-does take on a life of its own after a while. That's kind-of where I'm at, at this point I'm afraid. I struggle with a lot of anger as well. I have to say that I don't know as there is anything more you can do here. It's sounds like you're really trying & not only is nothing working, but it's just making matters worse. I take it your husband is not employed outside of the home. This certainly makes the whole situation even more complicated because that means, even though he may be doing a lot around the house, he's still alone with his thoughts much of the time. And they just keep churning away 24 / 7.

All of that said, I'm afraid that my perspective is you're taking on too much responsibility for this. There is a sense in which this becomes a matter of boundaries. Up to now you've basically gone without any, or at least with minimal ones, & allowed your husband's anger to freely invade your personal space, so to speak. It's time for you to decide what you are & are not willing to tolerate & to begin to enforce those boundaries. This is where seeing therapist yourself may be helpful as far as figuring out what your boundaries are & how to enforce them. California therapist, Kati Morton, has some videos on her YouTube channel where she talks about establishing & enforcing boundaries & also dealing with difficult people. Watching some of Kati's videos on these subject might be helpful for you.

My personal perspective is that those of us who struggle with mental health issues have to realize those around us have their limits. It's up to us to do what has to be done to ensure that we do not push family & friends beyond what they can tolerate (unless we're willing to accept the consequences.) And if we do not, or cannot, then those around us, family & friends, must do what they have to do to take care of themselves... boundaries again... Reading your post, it is my impression this is where you're at... I wish you both well...