Thank you for your insight, as always, Skeezyks!

I certainly have a lot of my own issues to deal with, and I am sure I could be handling this better and could change behaviors that are exacerbating the problems. (I am working on some self-help and have been receiving counseling, with the hope of eventually getting into therapy). He does work outside the home, but he works in construction so his schedule is a bit unpredictable (and does result in him sitting home a lot), and when he is working, it's rough on his back and joints. I feel very strongly that if he'd just see a doctor to get proper medication for his sleeping issues, see a therapist for the anger, or even find a less physically demanding job, things could improve significantly. But it's like talking to a brick wall and pushing the issues only make for outbursts.

I think you're right that really all I can do is work on myself, my boundaries, etc. I've made it abundantly clear that I am ready and willing to do whatever it takes to help him, but I can't force him to accept my help. And it's probably not healthy that I am bending to accommodate his moods rather than holding my ground and maintaining emotional autonomy--and why should he change if I am accepting of his anger? I don't mean to enable, but it's so precarious. I wish we could take space to be introspective and heal a little on our own, but it's just not an option given our current financial situation. In all honestly, I would not put up with this kind of anger under ordinary circumstances. But I know the person he was (I hope still is), and the circumstances that made him this way, and I'm not ready to give up hope. But something definitely needs to change.

Thank you for your kind words! I know there's no easy answer to this, but it's comforting to bounce thoughts around. <3