I didn't forget.

I guess you were expecting a very different kind of session to the one you got? I needed to babble, and I needed to prove to you that I am committed - no matter what. But I didn't forget. None of us forgot. We never do.

I've known for a long time. I saw you from the office window once when I first started this job. I've known since then. Of course, I've doubted myself and wondered if Im some kind of twisted fantasist or something. But Im not am I? This is actually happening.

I'm sure you are both scared of, and curious to know what I think? Are wondering why I haven't confronted you yet? Don't worry - that will come. But I need work out what I think before I can even begin to try and verbalise it. I think I think it all.

I need to understand why. What did you hope to gain? And what did you gain. Should I be scared? Part of me is scared. Part of me is flattered. And part of me has been engaging with you and knowing you and knowing you were there and was most of all... secure. I have felt safer knowing you were there. So a part of me doesn't want to confront you because Im scared I will lose you. I don't want you to stop being there. I like you being there.

But yes, part of me is angry. I compartmentalise as you know. There have been a few incidents - with one in particular, that I am struggling to get over. Most of our issues recently stem from the day I saw you talking to the woman in the car. She was the same woman I talked to you about in our next session. I always knew that.My life is hard enough. I don't understand why you set me up. You totally set me up. I just can't get over that. But I can't confront you because I didn't believe you would ever acknowledge what you did. I thought you would twist it to make it all my fault. Say Im imagining it. I was scared maybe I really was imagining it.

Your acknowledgement means so so much to me. No one ever says sorry. No one ever admits the truth. Its blown my mind (in a great way) that you have communicated so honestly. You've done something pretty outrageous. I must be pretty twisted for not minding, for wanting to stay with you. You admitting this has increased my attachment to you tenfold. Please don't turn into a psycho.