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Originally Posted by passionfruit3
Lately besides the constant therapy and day programs and group and missionaries coming to bug me ive been thinking of ways to commit suicide but of course my parents have me now on lock down so i can't get away with much. Ive thought of taking a bottle of pills off the shelf without paying and overdosing in the target bathroom. I have no real reason to be unhappy i just realized i just am stuck in this vicious cycle of suicide and it's going to get me arrested or dead . mental hospitals don't do much for me they just feed my addiction to trying to hurt myself. Residential worked only they were unfair to me and some of the people were scum.i haven't tried ect don't think i will ever.tried pills though and they don't seem to work . As for therapy been in it and it has changed me through out the years but i am not better depression wise so i would say i am unsatisfied. I am hurting my family i want to go far away from them and everybody else and be alone though it would be lonely that is the only thing that would make me not want to kill myself. And i cant even do that cause everyone owns my life.damn i hate this[emoji22] [emoji35]
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I've been in your shoes before. I just haven't been hospitalized for long. Long story short, I was tricked into getting locked up for a short period of time. That scummy place was a fraud meant to scam people out of money. So they went out of business eventually-
Possible trigger:
I DID try to commit suicide as a teenager by taking pills. I was found by my sister and she told my parents about it, so they took me to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. I had to take this awful chalky charcoal stuff. I had hallucinations. I took sleeping pills. I'm so glad that I didn't die.
I thought that my life was hopeless back then at 17. I had no real friends, I was shy, I never had a date or a b.f, I hated myself and the way that I looked, I hated my parents and my life, I wasn't close to my sister, I felt like I had no future, and I was bullied as a teen, but that was mostly in middle school. I was mostly ignored in h.s.
I didn't drive, so I was always stuck at home. I had no future, and I felt like I would be stuck living at home forever in a crappy small town with crappy racist people forever.
That wasn't the case. I ended up getting married at 21, and I traveled to a lot of amazing places. I found out about depression and getting on meds to control it at 20. Ever since then I've been better although I was depressed and anxious until I got on the right combo of meds. Now I'm in my early 40's. I have not tried to commit suicide since then. It did cross my mind when I was really depressed in my 20's, but that moment has passed.
It sounds like you need different therapists and medication. What works for some people won't work for others. I like Paxil. It's not addicting. I'm on valium too for anxiety, but never get on that as it's addicting. A lot of therapists aren't good. Some of them are downright mean and horrible. Sometimes you won't be taken seriously. Once you can see that, get rid of whoever it is that you're seeing asap. A lot of them are just in in for the money. Finding the right one is a matter of luck and finding the right fit for you.
I know things seem bad now, but don't kill yourself. Things can and will get better soon. Call a suicide hotline if you have to. Also, what if you only end up becoming disabled after a failed suicide attempt? That'd only make things worse. Think about it. It'd be a living hell to live life as a person in a coma or something like that.