Two things: I guess I'm glad you told me you and your wife were expecting another baby. I sort of already knew or had a sense. I don't know exactly how, but I did. You were kind when you realized that news of new babies makes my heart, but it didn't hurt very much for you. I was happy for you and your family and that little baby that gets to have you as a dad. It was a little weird when you said, "I have no idea why I'm telling you this. I don't tell my clients things like this. You just feel like my friend." It's flattering that I feel like your friend, but I know I could never be a friend outside the wall of therapy and you know how few friends I have IRL, so that stung a bit.

The second thing. I know my text today sounded like the normal B's mad and yelling text, but it wasn't. The problem started with B's yelling, but ended with me being triggered and having an emotional? Flashback to being a child and being yelled at and belittled and feeling hated and like I was less than dirt. The words he used, the tone he used, the vitriolic in his tone of voice--it stirred something in me that made me want to hate myself and wish I were dead. I feel impotent against the feeling and like hurting myself is what I deserve. It's reinforced because I know I can't protect my kids from their father making them feel that way. I've failed them, too. When I asked you to call me back because I was in a pretty bleak place, this is what I wanted to talk about. But I know you have kids and pg wife, and that you need to take care of your family. I hope you can find some time.