I had no idea. My depression was easily explained as other things or easy to deny, though looking back I see myself fervently demanding that I was high functioning when people said I was falling apart. I got in lots of fights over people thinking I was a mess. I drunkenly snarled many times that I was still "handling my ****".
Suicide attempts(not serious) and wild acts of desperation were ignored by me and my partner.

The manic stuff was assumed to be my personality. I called it my "invincibility complex". I was always doing these wild careless things with a big brave smile on my face. Things that now seem really hard to ignore. I changed my life so often though. No one could see the pattern, and my partner at the time chose not to. He only complained of my anger. There were episodes so extreme and out of character that I couldn't even understand once they settled...but denial is a very strong force

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