Before diagnosis I used to have times when I'd think "if I can just figure out what is wrong with me, I can fix it". But I didn't really know anything about depression or BP. I was first given a Depression diagnosis and put on SSRI's which sent me manic. I told my doctor about Prozac making me talk a lot to strangers and becoming very aggressive. Not in a fighting way, just in a VERY over-opinionated fashion. For a long time I thought medications were bad for me and while I could then identify depression sometimes, I used to think everyone felt this way and wanted and planned to kill themselves. I also just assumed I was very weak. When my BP diagnosis arrived, I didn't pay attention to hypo or mania for the first few years. I noticed the phases after they were over, and grieved my behavior but I couldn't identify early warning signs of hypo because I didn't educate myself. Now that I'm educated, and watchful, I'm getting good at identifying hypo. Mania is a whole different a story but I talked about that on a recent thread