Quote:
Originally Posted by ElsaMars
Before diagnosis I used to have times when I'd think "if I can just figure out what is wrong with me, I can fix it". But I didn't really know anything about depression or BP. I was first given a Depression diagnosis and put on SSRI's which sent me manic. I told my doctor about Prozac making me talk a lot to strangers and becoming very aggressive. Not in a fighting way, just in a VERY over-opinionated fashion. For a long time I thought medications were bad for me and while I could then identify depression sometimes, I used to think everyone felt this way and wanted and planned to kill themselves. I also just assumed I was very weak. When my BP diagnosis arrived, I didn't pay attention to hypo or mania for the first few years. I noticed the phases after they were over, and grieved my behavior but I couldn't identify early warning signs of hypo because I didn't educate myself. Now that I'm educated, and watchful, I'm getting good at identifying hypo. Mania is a whole different a story but I talked about that on a recent thread
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That's interesting. I, too, used to think that it was "normal" to experience sadness and to feel the desire to commit suicide. (Well, when I say "normal", I mean that I expected people to feel like this occasionally.) So, of course I never connected sadness and suicidal ideation to "depression". I knew they were symptoms
of depression, but I didn't think they implied depression, if that makes sense.
I suppose that's partly why I denied my depression Dx when I first got it. I was like, "No, I'm not depressed. Are you crazy?? You're wrong." I never even bothered with treatment until 2 years after my "depression" Dx, when I felt like committing suicide. (Though, I was apparently in a mixed state.)