All I can do is encourage you to be completely open with your Dr's and hospitalizations aren't the worst thing. You're right, you are facing this mostly alone because others around you can't experience it. It took a long time to find meds that worked and I didn't have severe reactions to. It was scary and painful, and although the hallucinations were scary I still miss them at times because theyou were my constant, they were there during my loneliest moments. But I'm thankful I can now live in the material world and not be dragged into the other one. It makes it so I can have meaningful relationships and I don't have to be so alone and scared all the time.