Quote:
Originally Posted by retro_chic
So other than anxiety I really don't feel much of anything during session. There was one exception to this and that was when I couldn't think of anything to say so T and I sat in silence for about 20 minutes. I felt really angry at T and even started to tear up at one point. T was not looking at me at the time so perhaps that is why I was able let myself feel a little bit?
Anyway, I feel so disconnected from my feelings that it makes it difficult to process what is going on. I don't know how to change this. I have been seeing this T for about 6 months and I still don't feel completely "safe" for some reason.
Lastly, for those of you who read my last post about T not hugging me, I asked her about it and she said the reason she can't give me a hug is because of ethics and boundaries. So yeah...
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Do you know why you felt really angry at your T during the silence? Do you know what you wanted from her? (To rescue you, rescue the session, by breaking the silence?).
Sometimes I just like to 'be there' with my T. She knows this because I told her (not easy!). I still sometimes feel like I don't know what to talk about and we talk about why that might be (from shame to my fears: of looking stupid, sounding boring, or other reasons I might be pulling myself back - fear of displeasing her [and ultimately losing her], fear of feeling, fear of judgment, etc). We've talked about these times, feelings, and fears many times, as a person does in therapy.
Stay positive, be curious about what is going on with you internally (and without judgment) because these situations are perfect for learning about you. Keep going
