I've not posted on here in such a long time - last time I posted I was going through a major depressive episode, and had really only started seeing my T and going through that 'therapeutic journey'. Things got better. Then a lot better, I was working through things and feeling like I was making progress.

Then the last couple of months - I moved house (2 hours away) Started a new job. Hated new job. Quit new job. Was a bridesmaid. Moved back to my parents house again (where I was living before the new job). All within literally the last 2 months. So I kind of feel like I'm coming off the rails a bit.

I wasn't really worried until this weekend, cos I kind of thought - there's been so much going on, it wasn't surprising that I was finding it tough.

But then the last few days my thoughts have kind of gone south a bit. Starting to really doubt myself.. worry about what I'm going to do with myself the next 20/30/40 years.. eating habits have gone very awry and I'm starting to get really paranoid about how much I eat/what I eat etc. Finding the dark thoughts coming in again.

So normally I would just go to my T about this stuff... but he's not available at the moment due to a family crisis. I can usually just drop him an email but I can't even do that at the moment, so I feel a bit bereft and cut off (hence me posting here I guess). It's just all starting to spiral a little bit and it's really worrying me. Not sure what to do until my T gets back.

I don't really have any idea what to do with myself. I am really lucky that I can go back to my old job, but I'm really nervous about going back (I didn't burn any bridges but still it's nerve wracking, I left to go and do something really new and exciting and I feel like I'm trailing back with my tail between my legs..)

I'm facing some massive issues to do with me/my body/relationships/sexuality/my purpose in life.. kind of everything and I'm just not sure how to cope with it all. As I say normally I'd be straight onto my T but as that's not an option I feel really limited with how to deal with it. Kind of hoping 'getting it out' on here will help a little bit!