yesterday i had a huge meltdown. i was super stressed at work and i constantly feel like i do everything wrong. also i got back together with my bf a few months ago. he used to be emotionally abusive to me and sometimes he still is, and yesterday i got really upset with him whenever he made a comment or something. i have really bad anxiety and i tend to ask a lot of reassuring questions in order to calm down (ik it's annoying and bad) and i asked him if he thinks i'm a b**** cause sometimes i feel like i come off mean. since i couldn't hear his response i asked him if he heard me and he got upset cause i always ask the same questions. and then when i had to get out the car i ended up getting upset and slammed the door. then later he asked me what i wanted to eat and then he asked if i was okay with having some chicken from target and i was like "sure i guess." and he went "it sounds like that's not good enough for you and that's really ******." and then i got super defensive and was like "i don't ****ing car where we go to eat i'm just in a really bad mood and i didn't mean that chicken isn't good enough for me." i admit i was pretty much yelling. also, i have social anxiety and i was feeling really anxious too and i told him i was just gonna stay in the car while he goes into target. he got upset then i texted him and explained that it's cause of my sa and he was like "well you can buy your own food then." but he ended up buying food for both of us. but when he got back in the car he said i was selfish cause i didn't go with him and he had to pay for dinner. then i yelled at him saying that i'm not being selfish, i told you i was gonna stay in the car and it was your choice to buy the food, i can pay for myself. i felt horrible about everything i said. when we got to his house i ended up crying in the bathroom, he tried to hug me but i rejected it, idk why. then he got upset and started yelling saying that he can't do anything to help if i won't let him. i feel so bad. i'm a horrible gf. i just got so frustrated with everyone. we eventually hugged and got over it, but it still bothers me about how i acted. like i really can't forgive myself. i feel like he didn't deserve to go through that. now i feel like a hypocrite bringing up his abusive behavior cause showing from yesterday, i was acting like that as well. can i get some advice? or is there anyone who is/has been in an abusive relationship and ever acted like this?