i can hear your fears and concern. it shows you are paying attention to your life and who is better suited to do so? many slip and fall and never even realize it's happened.

because you are young it may help to recognize that a lifetime reflects something similar to a pendulum, first swinging so far this way, then the other and somewhere in the middle is where you may find yourself 40 or 50 years down the road.

experiencing "the ugly" now you will have an idea of what your extremes are and those experiences may become "markers" you will use to guide and steer your future days.

if it is brighter sunshine you desire then as Martin Luther King said (at least i think it was him) "Keep your eyes on the prize" and it will guide you towards the destination you seek. The road is not always smooth though... if able, whenever able, surround yourself with objects, people, and environments which most closely match what you seek... think about some therapy too ... you can never have too much help at any age...