Oh Retro_Chic, I can sure relate.

For the record, I don't think that you are doing anything wrong at all. I was just reading that anxiety/stress can shut down certain parts of our brain... so that may be part of what's going on...

But also, for some people (including me)... it can take a really long time, and lots of work, to get to that feeling of "safety", where we can be ourselves, be open, be vulnerable, etc with another person in the room.

Is there anything about your T that's making you feel not safe, not heard/seen, or judged? That could contribute too. My last T wanted to be a good, safe place for me, and we worked on it... but the fact that he never really understood what I was telling him kind of blocked me from feeling safe (it's hard to feel safe with someone who fundamentally doesn't seem to understand you). He also, inadvertently, shut down a lot of my emotions (i.e. "you shouldn't be scared of that!") - which really made it impossible to share more emotions with him.

Maybe that's not what your T is doing, but is there something else? It might just take more time... and lots of consistency on her part.

Do you feel like you have access to your feelings after the session is over, when you're home alone? Would it help to do some writing and exploring then, and bring that in to talk about with your T?