No....we never choose pain. I so sorry that you feel it lil bear. I wish I could take it all away...to the deepest sea and cast it in.
I DO know..that you are a loyal, caring person...and that hope, love and care comes back to those who freely give. Perhaps knowing and understanding pain gives you compassion for others in distress. In that, perhaps you may find refuge and peace.
Take care my friend...
d.