Hi there,

I am sorry that you are struggling. Don't beat yourself up, sweetie, addiction is a disease. The good news is that you can choose to recover but only when you are ready to. It sounds like now is a good time to seriously consider it.

Do you need to detox? Doing it at home is dangerous if you drink heavily. Can you go to a detox center? You can safely detox in with medical care to get you through the withdrawal process and the stresses of daily life are on the outside.

Staying sober after detox is where the real work begins. I'm sure that people here can post about that.

You don't have to go the AA route. For starters, Google Sober Recovery forums. It's for recovering alcoholics and doesn't center around AA. There are options to keep you sober.

I'm no expert but I did self-medicate with alcohol as a way of coping with my mental illnesses, primarily bipolar disorder. The first couple of drinks were good but it was downhill causing anxiety, interfering with my meds, and worrying my family.

I realized finally that I was down a dangerous path. I went to some AA meetings but it just wasn't my thing for various reasons. It helps so many people but it just wasn't for me.

I committed to doing it on my own through family support, but I knew it was truly up to me not to pick up a drink. Here is what I did:

I committed to complete abstinence from alcohol. I told my family and that reinforced my commitment and they were supportive.

I told my partner to remove ALL alcohol from the house. I continue to never have alcohol in my home.

I wasn't one to go "partying" with friends but I decided to meet friends that drank at new places. Places where alcohol isn't served. We meet for coffee in the afternoon. No more meeting in bars at night.

My partner doesn't drink and that has been a huge help.

I had to quit going to a few of my favorite restaurants. I no longer go to a great Mexican restaurant because I always drank margaritas there.

I started spending quality time with family and resumed some hobbies I used to enjoy as well as starting new ones. I couldn't do those things drinking.

I started feeling much better and my stepdad said I looked ten years younger! My mental health improved, my relationships improved. I sometimes still want a drink but I'd just go right back to where I was. I will not go back. Just forward. I forgave myself and let go of the guilt.

Keeping alcohol out of my environment and fully accepting the fact that I can never drink again keeps me sober. I rarely think about alcohol now. Keeping it out of my environment is key for me and how my relationships with my family are enriched now that I am present, not disconnecting with alcohol.

You can do it. I hope this helps. xo