Hi,

You sound like you are under so much stress, I hope you get a breather sometime soon. Don't burn out, I imagine it's hard with the pressure. I understand self-destructing mechanisms for coping. I relate.

I thought about your situation - make a radical change. ONE file on your desk at a time. Just one. When you finish that file, send it on its way/off your desk. Then put a new file on your desk.

More files given to you? Take a few calming breaths and put them somewhere else than your desk.

One file, one thing at a time, my friend. Give it a shot and update us on how you are doing. You're in control, you've got this!