***Trigger Warning*** (I have also labeled the last paragraph as especially triggering. Please avoid if you are feeling vulnerable.)

The idea that I am suffering from anorexia is basically new to me. I battled anorexic symptoms briefly in high school, but the majority of my ED history is bulimia (so thankful to be able to say that, after receiving inpatient treatment, bulimia has not been an issue for years.) I had been ED-free for a few years before February, when a number of triggers hit.

The first trigger was a nasty stomach bug that lasted a few weeks, kept me from eating and caused me to lose weight. The second trigger was going back on asthma medication. The controller meds are having a very unusual effect on me: loss of appetite. This is not a normal side effect. I have tried several different ones, and they all do the same thing. However, I must take them, at least for the time being.

I could feel myself becoming anxious about food in the last two months, but it hit hard a couple weeks ago: extreme anxiety. This is because I had by this time lost quite a bit of weight from being sick and having no appetite. The more I lose, the more anxious about weight and fearful about gaining I become.

***Especially Triggering*** Do not read if you are feeling vulnerable


Tonight, I just threw away the meal I had prepared for myself rather than eating it. This is devastating to me, as it is something I have not done in years. I do feel physically hungry, so I know it's not the meds this time. I am in therapy - mostly for other issues - but I am open to addressing this with my T at my next session.

Edit: wanted to say that I am eating dinner now. I let my boyfriend know what was going on, and that in and of itself was therapeutic. I am now able to accept his support now that he knows what I'm struggling with. I am also seeing my T tomorrow.