Yep, "squirrelthink," I totally do that! I always find a way to sabotage myself. I'm learning that I have a choice about that, but my perception changes so dramatically that I don't always see my situation that clearly.

Financially, there's no reason for me to work like this. I work hourly, 8-5, with no overtime. I'm not salaried or anything. I get paid the same no matter how hard I work. I also work for the government and have seniority, so it's basically impossible to get fired. They don't give bonuses, and I long ago maxed out my job class pay range, so I can't get a raise. So there's really no actual benefit to this behavior.

It's totally realistic to work one file at a time. That is the best way to approach it, so long as I can put the others out of my mind for a while (which is hard, I'm constantly thinking about 10 things at once). As I'm filling three jobs, I have three cubicles. I could put the work in the other two and just do my work from the third.

I will try to focus on one thing at a time. It's hard because when I have so much to do, I feel like I have to keep track of it all in my head, which invites racing thoughts, and next thing I know my mind is going in a thousand different directions, and I lose insight, and I lose my grip on all of the coping strategies I planned to use.

It's Saturday morning, and I'm fighting the urge to go into work. I'll actually get in trouble if I get caught working unauthorized overtime, but my mind refuses to let go of the idea. I could get so much work done! Especially with the office empty, fewer distractions, it would be perfect!

What I need to do is just let it be Saturday and focus on my home life right now. Why is that so hard?