Why does my mother being an *** and a hypocrite make ME want to hurt MYSELF?

I'm not going to do that, though. I've prepared a speech for my pdoc (I see him Wednesday - now here's to hoping I'll have the guts to give the speech) and an integral part of that speech is "I haven't hurt myself in 100 days" (it will be exactly 100 days by Wednesday) so I can't hurt myself now - it'd totally ruin the speech.

And guess what? I'm angry at myself for that being the reason I'm not going to hurt myself. It also feels manipulative.

Blehgh.