Sorry if this is in the wrong place. I just felt the need to write this. Nobody has to read it of course. For as long as I can remember, I have been EXTREMELY shy, timid, and socially awkward. Also for as long as I can remember, when people ask me to hang out or go somewhere with them I struggle with deciding on what to do. It could be family, close friends, or people I know/like but don’t know well enough…it don’t matter who. All I know is a war rages in my head. It’s like, I do want to go out and do these things but then again I don’t. Most of the time I just can’t make myself go but most of the time when I don’t, I end up regretting it. There have been moments, some short, some long, where I can either make myself go out or I’m just in a good mood and I WANT to go so I do and I usually enjoy myself. Sometimes I’m just a little anxious, stand-offish, and awkward and I feel like I shouldn’t be there. Well, recently it has gotten worse. Even though I don’t get many offers or invites anymore (I guess people have learned), 99% of the time I just can’t make myself go. I’ve also suffered from not setting boundaries and telling people “no” when I should or want to. Over the years, people have asked for MANY “favors” and I always end up doing them even if I don’t want to because it’s so, so hard to say no to people. So that’s another war that’s going on in my head. It’s like, somebody asks me to go somewhere and I kind of want to but I mostly don’t but I can’t flat out say no I don’t want to. So then it takes a while to work up the courage to give them an excuse of why I can’t go. Then I beat myself up for lying and not going. Also here recently, I’ve got to the point where I just don’t want any family or friends messaging me at all (my heart drops every time my phone goes off now), even if it’s just for a simple conversation because I’m scared they will ask me to go somewhere BUT…I’m so scared they WILL actually stop messaging me altogether and just walk out of my life. I just don’t know what’s going on. I do enjoy having alone time but not always…