Her behavior towards you regarding the event you didn't invite her to...her behavior seems strange. Assuming she is lucid, she stomping on your boundaries and I can see why you are over that type of behavior.

It seems like she can't or won't communicate directly with you. It sounds like she wants to be more involved in your life. Perhaps she misses her daughter but has significant problems going about reaching out to you. It seems like a role-reversal. She's the child and you're the adult and that understandably isn't a role you want.

I had a toxic upbringing by my mother. We were in constant contact because she demanded it but we never had a true mother/daughter relationship. I don't think I can offer any constructive thoughts beyond what I said above, other than establishing boundaries as to her. I'm sorry you are going through this.