If I take my meds on time and get a good night's sleep, I'll probably feel pretty stable in the morning. I'll probably be able to get up, make breakfast, do a few chores, go for a walk, and have a normal day. I'll be capable, confident, and responsible.

Isn't that what I want?

How is it that I've had the strength to pull through suicidal depressions and succeed in my life despite serious MI, but the thought of truly being okay makes me scared and rebellious? Why does the thought of waking up tomorrow feeling good make me want to skip my meds, not sleep, and invite potentially devastating problems into my life?

Why?