Hey there Barbel,
Everyone has already said so many good things. I have to agree with them all. This is a process, a long process. Sigh. I don't think that I will ever be totally "over" what happened to me. There will always be moments that trigger something in my head. I am learning not to be afraid of those triggers. They are there to keep me safe, to remind me of a dangerous situation that got me hurt in hopes of keeping me from getting hurt again. Unfortunately my reaction to those triggers created a pathological way of living. Now I am learning to change my reaction, to learn beneficial ways of coping and to identify when those triggers are useful and when they are not. By doing this work I will gain freedom from the abuse. I have been quoting Mark Twain a lot the last few days so I think I will repeat it one more time "Courage is not the absence of fear but the mastery of it." Ok that is just paraphrasing it but it is close to what he said. Anyway, it is all in learning the mastery of the pain we feel when we are triggered. And you are courageous to face those fears and feel that pain once again and work further toward being healthy.
Take care,
Carrie

Oh I forgot to mention I heard once that new stages in life can bring up old feelings long forgotten. Have your kids recently moved out, have you recently moved or had some other major life change?
CK

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson