Hi annmaria,

It took me a few years total, but in three stages.

(1) When my pdoc diagnosed me, he referred me to a therapist that did a good job of helping me accept the diagnosis. The label, the illness itself, how to learn coping skills to manage it, how it impacts your relationships, etc. Bipolar 101, in a sense, but a big learning curve as newly diagnosed and going through mood episodes and med changes all at the same time. I left that therapist after two years and felt like I had fully accepted my diagnosis. Therapy then was very helpful and I'm grateful my pdoc encouraged me to go into therapy. I wasn't thrilled about having bipolar disorder, but I accepted it and learned coping skills. I thought that was it.

(2) I became disabled in 2009. I qualified for SSDI and I was clearly disabled; I still am. I have always been grateful for SSDI. However, I had negative feelings surface up about having bipolar disorder. I wasn't in denial but I was upset that my career was over. I worked hard in school and in work. I was upset by the limitations due to bipolar disorder. I needed to accept the limitations that developed from having bipolar.

Upon becoming disabled, I thought about how I didn't want this darn disease and I resented that it took my career away from me. After awhile, I again accepted my diagnosis plus the reality of how it limited me as to my career. I got over it and remain grateful for my SSDI benefits.

(3) I thought I had fully accepted it until I got divorced a few years later. I had become a single mom and one of limited financial means post-divorce. I again found myself upset that I had this illness. It limited me to go out and make the money for my daughter and me. I wanted to maintain a semblance of the standard of living I had pre-divorce. That is something I cannot do because I'm disabled from bipolar disorder. I didn't like it.

I've always been an independent person and accomplished things I set my mind to. I'm not materialistic but my ex and I made a lot of money in our respective careers. Pooled together, we had substantial financial assets. I was happy to be divorced, but I resented the fact I couldn't (can't) make good money like I did before bipolar disorder entered my life. Bipolar disorder took away my financial independence and that matters more when you're a one income family consisting of a modest SSDI monthly income. Some people don't become disabled but it's a reality for me.

I still struggle with the drastic lifestyle financial changes as a disabled single mother. And being powerless to change that due to my illness. That said, I once again have come to accept my diagnosis. I hadn't anticipated going through he process of acceptance three times. I thought I was finished with the acceptance process when I finished my original therapy.

I hope there won't be another life change that brings this up for the fourth time. However, if it happens I know the drill. I currently accept the diagnosis and the lifestyle limitations but three times was plenty, lol.

Tip: Find a therapist knowledgeable with bipolar to help you accept your new diagnosis. I recommend weekly sessions with your therapist. You will get support without judgement, it's confidential so you can cry your eyes out during a session and process what is upsetting you. Also, despite the fact that bipolar disorder is a severe, chronic illness - your therapist will instill in you that you are NOT your illness. You're annmaria. You do have bipolar disorder but that is only one facet of annmaria. You are more than "just bipolar."

Also, if there is a local bipolar support in your area, go check it out. My therapist encouraged me and it was a great experience. People that get it IRL. I made some friends and eventually volunteered as a group meeting facilitator twice a month. We met weekly. Twice a month I'd be giving support by leading the meetings. The other two weeks I attended as a regular member to receive support.