I think that if I were stable there would be no reason not to achieve great things and I'm afraid I would fail for no reason other than being a failure. While I'm struggling to remain stable, there's a clear explanation for my place in society. I grew up with everyone around me predicting stellar success, but did I crash and burn because of BP or have I used it as an excuse? This is the question that tears at my heart constantly. This, by itself, could destroy my wasted life.