To me it feels like I have no control over the many varied phases of my life that continually come and go.

Mania feels like an overwhelming surge of thoughts, strange ideas, pursuits and goals. These have led me to have some pretty interesting (often very dangerous, life-risking) experiences but I have never made any progress whatsoever in the "real world". I feel like my mania is inextricably linked up with my identity/personality. Sometimes it's really hard to calm down, to find peace, because I often try to keep my stimulation level pretty high.

Depression on the other hand feels blank, abysmal. I am unable to leave my bedroom for the most part. Going into public is very difficult. I don't really cry a lot because I just feel numb, nothingness. Life seems to have very little value.

In general I feel very alienated from society and people in general. I prefer to spend the majority of my time alone.